The Way I Used to Be

by Amber Smith

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Book Overview: The Way I Used to Be

New York Times bestseller! In the tradition of Speak, Amber Smith’s extraordinary debut novel “ is a heart-twisting, but ultimately hopeful, exploration of how pain can lead to strength” (The Boston Globe).

Eden was always good at being good. Starting high school didn’t change who she was. But the night her brother’s best friend rapes her, Eden’s world capsizes.

What was once simple, is now complex. What Eden once loved–who she once loved–she now hates. What she thought she knew to be true, is now lies. Nothing makes sense anymore, and she knows she’s supposed to tell someone what happened but she can’t. So she buries it instead. And she buries the way she used to be.

Told in four parts–freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year–this provocative debut reveals the deep cuts of trauma. But it also demonstrates one young woman’s strength as she navigates the disappointment and unbearable pains of adolescence, of first love and first heartbreak, of friendships broken and rebuilt, all while learning to embrace the power of survival she never knew she had hidden within her heart.

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Editorial Reviews

“The Way I Used to Be explores the aftermath of sexual assault with a precision and searing honesty that is often terrifying, sometimes eerily beautiful, and always completely true. It is The Hero’s Journey through a distorted circus mirror–one girl’s quest to turn desperation into courage, to become a survivor instead of a victim. Amber Smith gets it exactly right.”–Amy Reed, author of BEAUTIFUL and CLEAN

STARRED REVIEW “This is a poignant book that realistically looks at the lasting effects of trauma on love, relationships, and life….Teens will be reminded of Laurie Halse Anderson’s Speak. VERDICT An important addition for every collection.”– “School Library Journal”

“A heart-twisting, but ultimately hopeful, exploration of how pain can lead to strength.” — “The Boston Globe”

“Readers will root for her as she gathers the courage, at last, to speak up.”– “BN Teen blog”

” The Way I Used To Be is an intensely gripping and raw look at secrets, silence, speaking out, and survival in the aftermath of a sexual assault. A must-have for every collection that serves teens.”– “SLJ / Teen Librarian Toolbox”

“Don’t let a book of this magnitude pass you by. Pick it up and read it because Eden’s story demands to be read.”– “Once Upon a Twilight”

“Edy’s exploration of the meaning of sexuality and intimacy will be thought provoking for teen readers of various experience levels, and this title is likely to find space alongside [Laurie Halse] Anderson’s Speak.” — “BCCB”

“A poignant and painfully honest survival story about the aftermath of trauma. Amber Smith weaves Eden’s narrative with a deft, empathetic touch that doesn’t shy away from difficult truths. This is a courageous, necessary, and beautiful book.”

–Kathleen Glasgow, author of Girl in Pieces, The Agathas, and How to Make Friends With the Dark

“This young adult novel is an unflinching look at the struggles of a rape victim to process her trauma and find the strength to rebuild her life.” –Laurie Halse Anderson, New York Times bestselling and award-winning author of Speak and Shout

About the Author

Amber Smith

Amber Smith is an acclaimed author known for her insightful and emotive writing. Her debut novel, “The Way I Used to Be,” explores themes of resilience and trust which garnered wide acclaim and was listed as a New York Times Bestseller. She has a background in art and has used her keen understanding of human emotions and intricacies to create compelling stories. Smith also regularly speaks on trauma, the #MeToo movement, and the importance of inclusive narrative, particularly in YA literature. She resides in North Carolina, continually advocating for gender equality, fluidity, and understanding through her work.